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Proin Sodales QuamStijn van Willigen2012-07-31T16:53:51+00:00

Suspende Phara UrnaStijn van Willigen2012-07-31T16:43:55+00:00

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David Blesstraat 28HS, Amsterdam

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stijnvanwilligen

🌱 MSc. Founder @nutriaiplatform
👇 Core values driven career & wellbeing coach.
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Last year, I met Wendy at a retreat. She had every

Last year, I met Wendy at a retreat. She had everything for happiness: a beautiful apartment in San Francisco, a top job at a tech giant, and a charming presence.

But she was deeply unhappy.

Every morning, she got up reluctantly.

Every evening, she drank a bottle of wine to drown her sadness.

In contrast, her neighbors with similar careers felt energized and fulfilled.

The difference? They had their psychological basic needs in order.

Their relationships were genuine, meaningful, and active.

Wendy's wealth and work focus had caused her to neglect her relationships and needs.

It's a myth that happiness increases with an income of $75k per year. [studies 2,3,4]

Research in 27 countries actually shows that income is merely a tool.

Fulfilled basic needs are the real ingredients for happiness and sense of meaning. [1]

🧭 A - Autonomy: Being yourself and doing what you want, without judgment.

🔗 B - Belonging: Feeling understood and cared for.

📈 C - Competence: Being good at something and improving in it.
[5]

Additionally, they found an inverse relationship with depression.

Wendy told me that she decided to leave her "American dream job" while in the Buddhist nuns' community “Plum Village”.

…To follow her heart: now she helps teenage girls find their identity within a school initiative.

She is finally living according to her core value of "Helping,"

Thereby she fulfills her basic needs, even though she earns much less.

"It's not about time or money, but what you spend it on."

What’s your favorite thing to spend them on?

__________

🔬Studies
(1) Martela 2022, (2) Becchetti 2011, (3) Khalil 2022, (4) Kahneman 2010, (5) Ryan and Deci 2017.

🍷After work, I craved that glass of wine like i

🍷After work, I craved that glass of wine like it was the finish line of a long, exhausting race.

During my tasks, I constantly got distracted—the perfect reason for a smoke break.

Getting in the flow? Not in a million years…

My job description didn’t express my core values and didn’t do justice to my talents.

Research confirms that this is exhausting.
[Studies 4-10]

The alternative:

Working according to your core values fulfills your psychological need for Autonomy:

🧭 The natural drive to make choices that come from the heart, in work and life overall.
[1,2,3]

Your values construct the narrative to justify your choices.

See the slides for an explanation and conflict examples of 8 basic values. [11]

Poll: which of the 4 clusters do you identify with most?

Thanks to @emmelyncarta for her help on the design.

Supporting studies:
(1) De Charms 1968, (2) Friedman 2003, (3) Ryan 1993, (4) Ryan 2018, (5) Yu 2017, (6) Slemp 2024, (7) Baard 2004, (8) Moran 2012, (9) Nie 2015, (10) Steckermeier 2020, (11) Schwartz.

💸 Some people view the Bill & Melinda Gates Fou

💸 Some people view the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation as a grand act of public image polishing.

I see it as an effective way to use money for greater happiness, for themselves and others.

In line with the "Easterlin Paradox," more income makes you happier, but this stops at around $75k per year. [study 6]

This is a myth.

The *already* happy persons actually become even happier* when they earn above that amount. [4]

My explanation? The Self-Determination Theory.

53 years of research with over 350,000 publications show that we all have 3 psychological basic needs (PBNs).

When you fulfill these, your happiness, motivation, and sense of purpose increase. [8-25]

🧭 A - Autonomy: Being free to be yourself and do what you want. [1]

🔗 B - Connection: Feeling understood and cared for. [2]

📈 C - Competence: Being good at something and getting better at it. [3]

Happy people tend to spend their income in ways that fulfill these needs.

And according to their authentic core values.

Do you use money as a tool to fulfill your 3 PBNs? Do you have an example?

P.S. Research shows that this also applies to social media: people who use it to fulfill their needs are generally happier. [5]

* Generally happier, and not so much in terms of "Vs. how happy I still want to be in the future" [4]

🔬Research:
(1) De Charms (1968), Friedman (2003), Ryan (1993), Shapiro (1981) (2) Bowlby (1979), Baumeister & Leary (1995), Ryan (1995), (3) Bandura (1989), Deci (1975), Harter (2012), White (1959), (4) Khalil 2022, (5) Laaber 2024, (6) Kahneman 2010, (8) Deci 1971, (9) Ilardi 1993, (10) Sheldon 1996, (11) La Guardia 2000, (12) Deci 2001, (13) Reis 2000, (14) Sheldon 2004, (15) Baard 2004, (16) Deci 2007, (17) Hodge 2009, (18) Jang 2009, (19) Lynch 2009, (20) Milyavskaya 2009, (21) Sheldon 2009, (22) Ryan 2010, (23) Church 2013, (24) Chen 2015, (25) DeHaan 2015.

I used to pursue superficial goals. At the age of

I used to pursue superficial goals. At the age of 15, I went to the gym for the first time.

Before that, I would secretly work out at home when my parents wouldn’t notice.

Because I was ashamed of being so focused on my appearance.

If I didn't achieve my fit "SMART goals", I felt angry and frustrated.

If I did succeed, I felt great for a moment, but that feeling quickly faded.

🎯 **Goals:** WHAT you strive for, often concrete actions and milestones.

"Training three times a week to gain 5 kg of muscle mass."

🧭 **Values:** WHY and HOW you pursue those goals.

"So that I meet the expectations of an athletic body and enhance my social status."

The problem?

Almost all my goals were driven by superficial values.

✨ Fame, Appearance, Financial.

Moreover, those values were mostly controlled by other people's expectations.

Pursuing goals based on controlled values did not fulfill my need for Autonomy.

I also didn't feel Competent when I failed.

Failure also felt Unjust after all that effort.

Finally, I paid less attention to my social relationships (Connection).

In short, I neglected my four psychological needs (CARC) for a worthy and happy life.
[Studies 1 and 3]

Depth goals are based on values that fulfill the CARC needs.

🌱 Freedom (Autonomy), Friendship (Connection), Successful (Competence).

Superficial goals are fine, but make sure that Depth goals take precedence.

Research and experience show that this truly leads to happiness. [2]

🔬Studies:
(1) Ryan & Deci 2017 - 350.000 studies, (2) Bradshaw 2022, (3) Aryee 2013.

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