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![Last year, I met Wendy at a retreat. She had everything for happiness: a beautiful apartment in San Francisco, a top job at a tech giant, and a charming presence.
But she was deeply unhappy.
Every morning, she got up reluctantly.
Every evening, she drank a bottle of wine to drown her sadness.
In contrast, her neighbors with similar careers felt energized and fulfilled.
The difference? They had their psychological basic needs in order.
Their relationships were genuine, meaningful, and active.
Wendy's wealth and work focus had caused her to neglect her relationships and needs.
It's a myth that happiness increases with an income of $75k per year. [studies 2,3,4]
Research in 27 countries actually shows that income is merely a tool.
Fulfilled basic needs are the real ingredients for happiness and sense of meaning. [1]
🧭 A - Autonomy: Being yourself and doing what you want, without judgment.
🔗 B - Belonging: Feeling understood and cared for.
📈 C - Competence: Being good at something and improving in it.
[5]
Additionally, they found an inverse relationship with depression.
Wendy told me that she decided to leave her "American dream job" while in the Buddhist nuns' community “Plum Village”.
…To follow her heart: now she helps teenage girls find their identity within a school initiative.
She is finally living according to her core value of "Helping,"
Thereby she fulfills her basic needs, even though she earns much less.
"It's not about time or money, but what you spend it on."
What’s your favorite thing to spend them on?
__________
🔬Studies
(1) Martela 2022, (2) Becchetti 2011, (3) Khalil 2022, (4) Kahneman 2010, (5) Ryan and Deci 2017.](https://stijnvanwilligen.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png)